So…I recently spoke about guilt and I think I’ve figured it out. Where all that guilt is coming from. As humans we still very much live in survival mode. Sure we have nice houses and cars and pets and radiators and jam, but at our very heart we’re still pack runners. We find it hard to throw things away in case we ever need them, we get sleepy after we eat and we have a strong driving force to protect our young.
This generally means we do whatever we need to do for them, without too much regard for ourselves. We’ll catch a spider that’s scaring him even though we’re terrified. We’ll run into traffic to save her without a second thought. We’ll work a crappy job day in, day out, to put food on the table. It’s hard wired. I’ve spent the last two years in hardcore mama bear mode, and the truth is, there was no financial drive for me to return to work full time. We were comfortable with mt part time wage, so the decision was purely selfish. That’s right – this mama did something selfish.
Herein lies the problem. The majority of parents find it difficult to BE selfish. We’ve forgotten how to do it. Now I have a name for my guilt, though. I feel guilty for being selfish, which seems a little ironic, as selfishness is usually devoid of guilt. But, Milo has settled nicely into his new routine and is used to the way his weeks work now. Meanwhile, our weekends have got a whole load better as we really make the most of the family time we have. I’m super organised with chores, laundry and batch cooking – but that’s another post for another day, and for now, everything’s working. It’s hard to believe that next year we’ll be applying for school places and then everything changes again. That’s life though, trying to put order in the chaos, and occasionally succeeding.